You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
