i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
