im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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