Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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