Don't you send me to vm
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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