EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
