I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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