I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
