Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
