You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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