Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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