It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
