i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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