He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
