She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
