You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
