I skipped work to stalk him.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
