I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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