She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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