I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
