the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
