ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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