he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Green mimosas i think yes
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
