If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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