Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
