Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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