So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
