Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
