I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
