I only kidnapped one of them. chill
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
