Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
