dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
