I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
