Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
