I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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