I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
