Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
