My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
