I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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