o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
