i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
