i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
