What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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