I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
