I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
