life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
