Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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