porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
