and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
