Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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