The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
