You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
