Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
