I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
