If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
