If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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