I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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