im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
