My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
