Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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