Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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