the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
