im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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