If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
