There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
