I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize