Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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