ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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