sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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