well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
