umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
