First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
