Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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